Best of Intentions

A little while back, when my husband first went to prison in Texas, I came across this video by Travis Tritt. It's the story of a man wrongly convicted of a crime and how his wife believes in his innocence and stands by him. I must have watched this video at least 2 dozen times and every single time I do I am reminded of my husband. You see, for me, this isn't just a video. This is my life. Every word in that song are my husband's words to me and every tear shed by that woman are mine. When she tells him she believes in him, that's me. It's as if someone has taken my life, my words, my husband's words and put them on screen. I will tell you that the visits behind glass are absolute killers. To see my husband dressed in prison whites or oranges and not to be able to touch him and know that our visit has a deadline, in my case it was 20 minutes, simply tears the heart out of you especially when you know time is up and you have to leave him behind. I visited my husband every Sunday for 2 months when he was here. I got up at 6:00 am and was out at the prison for 7:00am even though visits didn't start until 9:00am. I was always the first one there because it was a first come first served kinda thing and there was no way in hell I was missing a visit. I remember one day, my husband telling me that one of his cellies asked him how come he always got a visit from me on Sunday? He asked how come I never got turned away and my husband answered "she's here every Sunday at 7:00am and there ain't no way she's missing a vist."

When my husband was sent back to the U.S. I visited every Sunday for the time that he was there. I remember the guards having a fit when I would show up. They would call my husband and say "Wow! You got a visitor from Canada!" and he would just laugh and say "Yup. I got it like that. That's how she rolls". Contact visits are the ones that every spouse hopes and prays they will get. At this prison, contact visits were an hour long and you could hug and kiss each other at the beginning and end of your visit. The rest of the time you were separated by a small glass partition not by a full walll of glass but you didn't have to talk on a phone. I remember the last time I saw my husband before he went back to Texas like it was yesterday. Our hour long visit was over and it was time to say goodbye not knowing when the next time would be that we would see each other. He stood up first just like he always did and reached for me. I tried my damdest not to fall apart but the minute he put his arms around me I could feel the tears welling up inside of me. I told him that I loved him and he whispered 2 things to me that I will never forget. He said I love you and we'll be alright. And that was the last time I saw my husband. October 26, 2010.