The Resolve to Stay the Course.

In a little over a week, it will be the 6th anniversary of my mother's passing. She died November 9th, 2005 at exactly 9:02pm at the age of 60 and I have missed her every day since. This year is especially difficult for me because my husband is not here with me and he can't call me to tell me he loves me and that everything is going to be alright. I can't see his handsome face and the way he smiles at me that lets me know that it will be.

Growing up in a single parent home as the oldest of three children was not an easy thing. Great things are expected of you whether you want it or not. Maturity comes quickly along with responsibility that you are, more often than not, not ready for. Your childhood is not your own when you have to change diapers at five years old and feed your baby brother while your mother works to put food on the table.

Don't get me wrong, my mother worked hard. We may not have had the brand names that everyone else had, but we never went without. We were never hungry. We always had what we needed even if it wasn't what we wanted. Milk bags covered our shoes in our boots but our feet were never wet and never cold. My mother was at every single one of my school sporting events. She always brought juice and gum for the whole team. She sat in the front row at graduation and she stood up when they called my name. My mother wasn't the touchy feely type that hugged and kissed you all the time but in her own way she let you know she loved you.

On November 14, 2005 I did something that I never thought I would do. I wrote my mother's eulogy. It was, by far the hardest thing I have ever done, or at least I thought it was. The hardest thing I would ever do would come five short years later when I would have to say goodbye to my husband. He would be taken back to Texas and it would be then that our commitment to each other would be tested and tested hard. One thing we have always known and that is we will always be we and no distance, no matter how far, will ever break that.

So, on November 9, while I will miss my mother just like I have every day for the last six years, I will miss my husband more.