This is the first year that I will be without my mother, both of my grandparents and my husband and that reality is hitting me like a tonne of bricks. I am overwhelmed at the thought that the three people that helped to make me the woman I am today are no longer on this earth and the most important man in my life, my husband, is in another country sitting in prison for Christmas with his closest family 3,000 miles away.
For weeks, I have been trying to get into the Christmas spirit but it’s just not working. The shopping, the wrapping, the baking and the Christmas music just doesn’t seem to make a difference this year and while I am thankful for what I do have and that is a husband that loves me more than his own life and 4 children that are every bit the image of their mother and father, I want more. What some take for granted would be a Christmas miracle for me. My Christmas wish would be to have my husband home and not just on Christmas but every day. I want his face to be the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see every night. I want to hear him say I love you every day and I want to see the love he has for me in his eyes when he says it. I want to sit down to dinner at the table with him and talk about nothing. I want to go for a walk with him and I want to hold his hand. I want to go for a long Sunday drive to nowhere in particular and I want to sit with him by a fire and watch the sun rise and set. But what I wish for most is to never miss him again because I have done nothing but miss him since August 4, 2010.
So, while this Christmas will undoubtedly be the hardest Christmas I have ever had, it also brings with it the promise of a better life to come; a life of happiness, togetherness and more love than I have ever had in my life. I just have to hold on a little while longer knowing that my Christmas wish is just going to be a little late this year but it is coming.
Love it! I didn't realize you were this down and out due to the fact you're not only going without your soul mate but also other close loved ones this Christmas. Wow! Kimberley, I am so sorry! I will tell you one thing for sure though and that is that they will all be with you and the kids in spirit on Christmas day and have been and will be with you on a daily basis in spirit and in heart! Ask for a sign from the angels and you might just get it! In reply to your statement: "I am overwhelmed at the thought that the three people that helped to make me the woman I am today": I have to say they made you the woman you are today for a very precious reason and that reason is that someday you will have made your daughters the women they are or will become and your sons the men they are or become. That my dear Kimberley is a very good reason for you to keep your head up, have faith and keep believing in yourself. You will soon be in the arms of your wonderful husband and you and he will live happily ever after! There will be a happy ending! My wish for you is to put a smile on your face and to be happy. You are stronger than you think! You're not alone! Please be good to yourself. I doubt your mother or grandmother as well as Cody don't want to see you be miserable because of their leaving you behind. They are never far away! I know how you feel about wanting to see his face every morning when you wake and every night before you fall asleep in his nice big loving arms, to have a quiet romantic dinner with him and talking about nothing, a sunday drive and/or just enjoying each other's company! Your wish will come true soon enough~sooner than later hun. Love ya! xxoo
ReplyDeleteJulie Berry
Oh hunny I'm sorry 4 ur loss sorry 4 ur pain & only those in our shoes can understand and I give a piece of my heart 2 you cuz even though I know the pain of missing I can't imagine the 3000 miles. I'm so sorry about that that's completely awful and you r right your wish will come true one day . Can't keep him 4 evr .
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