If there hadn't been you

Normally when I write, it's about my husband so tonight I thought I would try something a little different and write to him.

Today started out just like the last 464 days without you. I woke up at 6:30am, showered, made lunches and got the girls off to the school bus and then started my work day. You would think after nearly 16 months, I would be used to being here and going through the day-to-day without you but, guess what? I will never get used to you not being here with me and raising our family. I will never get used to watching Jeopardy or UFC by myself or going to bed alone and waking up without you beside me.

I miss our kitchen banter - you know the way we used to stand around and just laugh and talk and tease each other. Your laugh is contagious and your smile can soften the hardest heart. Knowing that smile was just for me made me feel so blessed to have you in my life.

If there hadn't been you, I wonder what my life would be like. Would I have ever found the kind of love that I have with you? Having felt the love that you had for me then and the love you have for me now, I know without a doubt that you are the man I have been waiting for all of my life. You are the man I want to share my dreams with and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to grow old with you and sit on the porch like old people do. In you, I see a better me. I see my future.

If there hadn't been you, I wouldn't have been given the opportunity to fight for what I want, for what I believe in...for you. If there hadn't been you, I wouldn't be me and I wouldn't finally have the love of my life. So, I thank you for being you because...all my dreams would still be dreams if there hadn't been you.