Thursday, January 19, 2012

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Well here we are. January is almost over. I can't believe how fast this month has gone. I can only hope that the next few months go by just as fast. After a year and a half, my husband is finally coming home and while I am more than excited to see him, I am also nervous and anxious.

I have missed him every day for the last 533 days and I will continue to miss him until I see his face sometime in the next couple of months. This is our do-over and I can't wait to finally start this life with him. He has been the centre of my world since he walked through my front door in September 2009. That will never change. He is the man I trust with my life and love with my entire heart. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him and I know, without a doubt, there is nothing that he wouldn't do for me.

I won't lie and say that this time apart has been easy because there has been nothing easy about it. He is in Texas. I am in Canada. We have spoken on the phone twice in a year and we haven't seen each other since September 2010. The details of his release, at least right now, are quite sketchy. I don't know when and I don't know where but I do know that no matter when and no matter where, I will be there.

All of this waiting, stressing and struggling is just about over. With my husband's freedom comes a new set of obstacles but really after being apart for so long, there is nothing we can't handle; there is no problem too big for us. The little details will take care of themselves. We have perservered and our time has come. We will be together and nothing will stop that. Nothing will stop us.

I have been asked what I have learned through this bid with my husband and really the answer is simple. The love that I have for my husband and the love he has for me has reminded me that I am braver than I believe, stronger than I think, and to never ever...sweat the small stuff.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Climbing Mount Everest

It's been a little while since I've written because, quite honestly, I have been overwhelmed with the thought that my husband is finally coming home. In just a few short months, and after close to two years, I will finally get to put my arms around him and look him in the eye and tell him how much I love him and how much I have missed him.

It's been exactly 15 days since we were given the news that my husband made parole and I am sure that I haven't slept for more than three hours at a time. My head has been swimming with all of the things that need to be done now that he is coming home.

Time is ticking and I fear it will run out before I get everything done. It feels like there is another mountain in front of me to climb but this one is considerably smaller than the last one and this time I won't be climbing it alone. I won't deny that the first mountain felt like I was climbing Mount Everst and it was a son-of-a-bitch to conquer. My husband was coming up one side and I was coming up the other and after months and months of struggling and being apart we both finally made it to the top. We will be together and we will continue to do it our way and nothing can stop us. We have made it through the worst of it and we are stronger than ever just like I said we would be when this all started nearly two years ago. He promised he would always be OK and I promised I would move to Texas. He has kept his promise just like I knew he would and I am keeping mine and because of our love for one another and our promises to each other, I realize now that the mountain I thought was ahead of us is really just a little hill.

Friday, January 06, 2012

Clearer Skies

Well it was a week ago today that I found out that my husband made parole and will be coming home within the next few months. I knew this day would come and now that it is so close I find myself going through a whole new set of emotions and feelings.

I am overwhelmed with happiness yet lonlier than I've ever been since he's been gone and that is because even though he's so close to coming home, for me it's still so far away. My anxiousness is palpable. I've never wanted anything so badly in my life the way that I want my husband. I wish that I could move through time and it was the day that he was coming home. I've imagined what that day would be like at least a thousand times and I would be willing to bet that no matter how perfect a picture I have in my head of that day, it will pale in comparison to the reality.

I've had many sleepless nights since my husband has been in prison but not like this. Before when I couldn't sleep it was worry and stress and missing him like crazy that kept me awake. Now it's quite simple what has been keeping me up and that is the thought of finally being with him the way we've always been meant to be.

On August 4, 2010, we committed to each other and I made a promise to myself and to my husband that nothing would keep me from him. We have been tested more than most but we swore that we would always stand back to back, ready to take on any and all comers that threatened our commitment to one another and together we have weathered that storm and by god after what has seemed like forever the skies are clearing and the rainbow is finally coming out! Are we the same people we were when this bid started 17 months ago? Not even close. We are better.