Sunday, December 11, 2011

What are you gonna do?

By now, most of you have read my husband's guest post and by the number of hits it's received, it seems to have had a significant impact on those that follow my blog but it has had no greater impact than on me.

A few weeks ago, I asked my husband if he wouldn't mind writing something for this blog because I thought it might be nice for all of you to hear from the man I write about in his own words. I told him that he could write about anything he wanted. I never really thought he would write anything because it's one thing for him to tell me how he feels but it's another thing entirely to tell the whole world so I was surprised when, in a letter that he sent me, I noticed a single stand out paper with the words "My blog" written on the top.

As I read the words he had written, I was immediately taken back to the days that my husband was being hunted by the law and the desperation he was feeling. I remember his phone calls. I remember the worry I felt and I sure remember how close he came to not being here. He had always said that he would rather die than go to jail. I remember hearing the desperation in his voice when he would call just to see if I was alright. I remember the fear and the absolute helplessness that I felt trying to convince my husband that he was the most important thing in my life and how I needed him to be here. Those four days that he was gone were the worst days of my life. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. I paced the floor waiting for his next call not knowing where he was at any given moment or if he was alive or dead.

I remember meeting my husband in his attorney's office and him asking "what are you gonna do when they take me back to Texas" and without hesitation I said "move to Texas". I really didn't think he believed me at first because he shook his head with this little grin of doubt on his face. I told him that when I said I was all in, I meant it. I meant it then and I mean it now. My husband was then and will always be one of the most important things in my life right alongside our 4 children.

That would not be the first test we would face as husband and wife. My husband would subsequently be deported from Canada and then extradited back to Texas where he is now 3,000 miles away from me.

Over these last 16 months, he has come to never doubt my commitment to him and to our family. There is nothing more important to me in this life than my husband and children and I am sure that on more than one occasion I have shown him my true colours and while I am a Canadian to the core, my heart belongs to a Texan sitting in a Texas prison.

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