So, it's Tuesday and we are just about mid-week and I am about to write a post that my husband will not see. I have sent him every post I have made since I started blogging a little over a month ago. I have to say that the interest in my blog has been overwhelming, to say the least, so thank you all for continuing to read my story.
The reason that this post will not be sent to my husband will be clear in a few short sentences and I am hoping you all will understand why I can't send it to him. Without getting too much into it, I am on my way to have an ultrasound done and, for the wishful thinkers, unfortunately, I am not pregnant. I have known for about 3 weeks now that this test needs to be done and quite honestly it has me scared out of my mind. I cannot and will not tell my husband because of the worry that this will cause him and I will not now nor ever put him in a position of helplessness. Right now, he can do nothing. He can't call and tell me that everything will be alright and by the time he writes to me 10 days will have passed and what could be something, could be nothing.
In the year that my husband has been in prison, he has remained strong and focussed and determined and should he get wind of this, it will undoubtedly throw him off his game and all that he has accomplished to date, will be for not. I won't let that happen.
Now that I have had my test, I must wait 5 days for the results which, if I let it, can easily overwhelm me and throw me off my game and I can't let that happen. My children need me. My husband needs me and I can't let them down for anything in this world. So, while some who read this may say that I am a strong prison wife, really at the core of me I am just a wife and mother who must now play the hand she is dealt and guess what? I WILL WIN!