Today is one of those days where I just can't hold back the tears. I've tried to keep myself busy but my mind keeps me locked on my husband. As Christmas draws closer, I find myself missing him more and more if that's even possible. Missing my husband is like missing the air that I breathe or the beat of my heart. It just doesn't work without him.
Being in a city that you have lived in all your life and feeling like you don't quite fit anymore, because your heart is somewhere else, is by far one of the hardest things. It simply amounts to going through the motions until the day finally comes when your body can be where your heart has been for the last year and a half - with the man that you love more than your own life and there is nothing you won't do to make that happen.
Some may ask "why would you put yourself through this? Why wait for a man in prison?" The answer is really quite simple. We fit. We always have. I have loved my husband all my life. He is home to me. He may not be perfect but he is perfect for me.
There is a misconception that women who wait for men in prison must have low self esteem and nothing could be further from the truth. In most cases, a woman who waits for a man in prison, commits herself to a life of isolation and judgement. Family and friends turn their backs quite easily which is not really what a woman with low self esteem is looking for. A woman committed to a man in prison must find the strength inside her to stand alone against the masses; to fight for who and what she believes in and she will do it alone and without hesitation.
The only comfort she will most likely find are from other women in similar situations. There is a sense of loyalty among women who share a common thread and that is they all love a man doing time. Just because we are married to men in prison does not mean that our love is not pure and real and strong. To me, a marriage to an inmate is stronger than most free-world marriages. We commit ourselves body and soul to our husbands. Loyalty is our strongest asset and love is our greatness weakness.
You never know where we are and who we are so before you suggest that a woman being married to an inmate is desperate or naive, think again because if you don't we will not think twice about calling you out on it and I guarantee you won't win.