Well here we are the first of November. Wow! Where has the year gone? Some days it feels like my husband has been gone for just a second and then other days, it really does feel like he has been gone for 457 days. Today is one of those days.
Last night, my girls and I dressed up and went out for Halloween. Actually, the girls went trick-or-treating and I stayed home and passed out candy but I was dressed up - as a cat. I was sitting on the step wrapped up in a blanket because it was quite cold out, when I was reminded of the last Halloween that we had together as a family. My husband and our girls were sitting around the table in the living room carving pumpkins. They were laughing and joking and having a great time together and when they were finished there was pumpkin everywhere. The girls went out together and when they came home, my husband rooted through their bags looking for his favourite candy - tootsie rolls! He would not be disappointed. So, as I was sitting there on the step, in the cold, I hoped and prayed that this would be the last Halloween and Christmas that we would spend apart.
I received a letter today from my husband that actually took my breath away. He was just very appreciative of everything that he feels that I have done for him which, to me, is only a fraction of what he has done for me. He doesn't realize it quite yet but he has brought out the fighter in me. He has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. He has reinforced in me what I've always known and that is to stand up for who and what you believe in no matter what. Never back down. Never give up. To me, he is the best example of strength there is. I'm sure if you asked him, he would say that it's me that's the strong one but, in all honesty, I think that we make each other better by making each other stronger.
So, while my husband is in as close to hell as there is on this earth, one thing I know for sure and that is that he will always fight for us and he will never back down and it is because of the fighter that he his that I will never give up.