It's 4:30pm and I am just getting home from work. I am on the bus these days because my car has broken down and I can't afford to have it fixed right now. I've got 2 children (15 and 11) to support, rent to pay, food to buy, a husband in prison and a parole lawyer to pay for so fixing the car right now just isn't going to happen anytime soon. As I walk through the door of my home, I step on the cat who's been basking in the sun like a lizard under a heat lamp and that sends him running down the hall and over the dog who in turn jumps up and steps into her water dish. Great! Water everywhere. One more mess to clean up and I haven't even taken my shoes off yet. Welcome to my world!
I need to fix the central vaccuum because it's lost it's suction and I tell you this I curse my husband every time I have to fix something. Am I angry with him because he is in prison? Hell no! But every time I have to take out the garbage or clean up after the dog or fix the sink or anything else in this house, I swear a little. He should be here and I should be able to say, "baby can you please fix the sink?" or "baby would you please take out the garbage" or "baby can you put the air conditioner in?" (that in and of itself should get me a freakin' best wife ever award because that sucker is heavy!) So, here I am and he is there and it's all on me.
Because we can't talk on the phone every night or even every other night, every decision is mine and believe me it's exhausting. He needed a parole lawyer OK I found one and for the record he's a damn good one. The children and I need to move to Texas OK I'll figure it out. Oh and did I mention petitions to draft because I can't go another second knowing what goes on at TDC and not do anything about it? There are papers to fill out, applications to be made, money to be saved, money to be spent, jobs to find, house to find and it's all on me. At least if TDC would let him call home more often than once every 3 months for 5 minutes, I might not feel so overwhelmed all the time and believe me I am overwhelmed most days. Some days it takes every ounce of strength and courage I have to get out of bed but I do and I do because my children need their mother and my husband needs his wife. Will I ever tell him how truly overwhelmed I am? Hell no!