Monday, August 22, 2011

On the move

Where do I begin? It's been 6 days since my husband transferred from his unit on what I thought was medical chain. Now I'm not so sure. He was due to have his MRI at the beginning of September and all of a sudden on August 17 at 3:00am he's told to roll out and he, no doubt, had no idea why. So, now I sit here and wait and wonder where he is and how he is and I will tell you this, it's the most excruciating wait of my life. When he was deported from Canada, I wasn't even told where he was going and I didn't know where he was for 3 days. When he was taken back to Texas, I didn't know where he was for 6 days. He was then transferred to 2 different counties and then to the unit that he just left and each and every time they transfer him, my heart breaks because I know it's going to be a long while before I will hear from him and know that he is alright. This time is especially hard for me because I don't know if he is having surgery or if he's just gone for his MRI or if he's on his way to another unit. I have no way of finding out anything. I just sit here and wait and wonder and worry. Yes, my husband promised me that he would always be alright and I truely believe him as long as he is in control but if he's having surgery, he's not in control and that scares the life out of me because I, as his wife, should be where he is. I should be with him so that when he's being put to sleep the last words he hears are that I love him and the first face he sees when he wakes up is mine. I feel like I've let him down by not being there for him. He would argue that I am with him every minute of every day and that he is not alone and that he has never felt so loved in all of his life. Is the connection we have enough to get him through what lies ahead? I have to believe in my heart that it is because right now there is no other option.

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